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  • Writer's pictureFliss Goldsmith

Non - Negotiables

Radical self-care is a prescription we all need to write ourselves, but in truth we daren't.

Why? Because we think it is selfish, self indulgent or just an excess luxury.

Radical self care is actually an essential for functionable health - yours and those around you.

So read on as to what it is and how you can move towards a simple strategy that will give you the foundations for optimal living.

Radical self care consists of a list of non-negotiable items. The things that we absolutely will not budge on because of the adverse impact on our health, mood and energy levels. - and they will be different for each of us.

3 is the magic number and here are my 3 non-negotiables;

* Fresh Air - i have to breathe in fresh outdoor air every single day. If i don't then my mood spirals downwards. I have chronic ill health so i am not hiking in the hills, but i take a stroll daily. Even if it is to the postbox (100 yards from my house) and back. On the worst weather days, or the really poorly days - i open the windows wide and stick my head out gulping in the fresh air like those dogs leaning out of cars on the motorway (my ears don't flap in the breeze though!)

* Appreciation - I wanted to be someone who could roll out the #attitudeofgratitude with ease, turns out it doesn't quite work like that for me. Sometimes i have struggled to be 'grateful' for where I am at. However, i have found that i can always appreciate something in my day. Example: I was not grateful that it poured with rain on my walk to town, BUT i did appreciate the noise of the rain on the car roofs as i walked past. Grounding myself in an appreciation, however small keeps me at least level emotionally.

* Connection - I have to know I am not alone in the world! I make sure i connect with someone every day (outside of the fabulous folks in the house). All too easily I can isolate, cut myself off from others and slowly find myself drifting into apathy. Not healthy at all. So even if i just make chit chat on the school run, or ask the Postie how her day is looking - connection is queen. I do have days where I am almost paralyzed by the idea of speaking to someone, so I use email and DM's to clock in with the world and it is enough to keep me afloat.

So how do you find your Non-Negotiables?

  1. Keep a journal, write in it as often as possible, thoughts, words, feelings, situations

  2. Notice what comes up, patterns, people, places

  3. Make a list of as many things that you feel are important to your emotional well-being

  4. Whittle that list down to the 3 that you absolutely cannot do without.

From there it is all about the Empowerment to ensure that your needs are met and you are not at the negotiating table where these magic 3 are concerned. That is something I can definitely help you with.

Pop me an email and let's see what we can do about that - you'll be helping me get one of my non-negotiables ticked off for the day -and then i'll show you how to get yours!

Fliss xX

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Oct 28, 2023

Fliss, you are bang on with this article, I was brought up to believe 'selfishness' made one a dreadful person. So after 40years of trying to be all things to all people, I sat down with myself and had a very frank conversation with me, about me and established I wasn't a bad person for wanting to be selfish, but a sensible, human being who wanted the very best for herself.

I still have doubts about doing things just for my benefit, I now power through the doubts (most of the time!) and think, I'm worth it.

I loved reading your post, and wish you all the luck in the world, because you are worth it xxx

Fliss Goldsmith
Fliss Goldsmith
Oct 28, 2023
Replying to

Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience with this. It's far from uncommon sadly 😥 but I'm so proud that you've turned around a long held limiting belief. We absolutely cannot meet the needs of others if our own needs are continually unmet. Do you notice changes in how you feel or present if the non negotiables start to slide down the priority list? XxX

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